New Year's 'Wee've'.

This posting has nothing to do with the 'wee folks'.  Three weeks ago, I had an appointment with the nurse at my local health centre to have a blood test.  We established I did indeed have blood and it was red.

Two weeks ago, I had an appointment with my doctor at the local health centre in regards to my blood test results.  He told me my blood test results indicated some slight concern.  Then he put on the rubber glove, that would be the surgical type and not, thankfully, the type you use when doing the dishes.  Not exactly comfortable with my doctor prodding my posterior, I tried to 'crack' a joke.  "Hey doc, if your career as a doctor doesn't work out, you can always go work for Customs!"

"Okay Gary, to air on the side of caution, I shall arrange for you to see a urologist."  Two days after seeing the doctor, I got a letter from the University Hospital of North Staffordshire.  And on the letter it stated that I had an appointment with a urologist on December 31, 2012.  Yes indeed, a meeting with a urologist on New Year's Eve.  Now that really took the p**s!

"Should old acquaintance 'wee' forgot..."  Actually, I was never asked to bring a sample in one of those little tubes, which can also be called 'vile', I mean, vial.  Besides, if I had to bring a 'wee' tube of fluid, knowing my luck, I wouldn't of closed it tightly and well.....Now then, where were wee?  So there I was on New Year's 'Wee've' morning driving to the hospital.

Upon my arrival, I noted that the building I had to go to was named, the "Main Building."  The Main Building didn't seem like a hospital.  More like an airport terminal.  I even had to go to a computer check-in kiosk, which issued me with a ticket that informed me which clinic room to proceed to.  In the waiting room of the clinic, was a display screen which indicated the number of the patient who was to go to the next section of the clinic.  So I waited for my patient number that was on the ticket.  Finally, after nearly waiting an hour longer than my scheduled time, my number came up on the screen and a voice informed me to, " please go to Subwait 3."

At Subwait 3, I waited a further fifteen minutes to see the urologist.  While waiting there, I realised I had to fart really bad, but squeezed my butt cheeks really tight and managed to keep it in.  I then started thinking about the urologist maybe wanting to probe me and what if the fart escaped while he had the surgical glove on....

"Good morning, Gary.  Urine trouble?"   "Gosh, I hope not!  Wonder what I've supposed to have done?"  Okay, I made that up.

Anyway, after having a discussion with the urologist, he asked me if it was okay to inspect my bum.  Trying to desperately forget about the trapped fart, I tried my 'joke' distraction technique with the urologist.  "I reckon if this career doesn't work out for you, you can always get a job with Customs!", I stated.  "I've never heard that one before.  That's funny!", he responded.  And no, I didn't fart.....

I was then taken away by a nurse to go and give a wee sample in one of those vials.  "Go in there and when you have finished filling the vial, place the vial in the little open cupboard on the wall", said the nurse.  After finally accomplishing the mission at hand, I placed the vial in the cupboard which looked remarkably like one of those "dumbwaiters", which is a small elevator to convey food or drinks from one floor to the other.  I shuddered to think that my vial might be mistaken as part of a drinks display.

From there, yes I know, by my standards, this is a long posting, from there I had to go for yet another blood test.  I went to the blood test clinic and took a number.  "Number 79", called out the nurse.  "Can I have an extra portion of fries with that please?", I responded, cause basically I'm an idiot.

I now await the results of all the tests and I will also be receiving a letter from the hospital to go back for an ultrasound.  If I turn out to be pregnant, you can be my agent.

On a serious note, if you have health concerns and put it off due to feeling embarrassed, please don't let that stop you.  I wasn't exactly thrilled with baring all, but I know it's best to get things checked out before they could potentially get worse.

May you have a peaceful, positive New Year.