Internet Service Unprovider

Hello and very good day to you. Finally, I have read the 'mountain' of mail that came thumping through my letter box. To those 'millions' of secret admirers who sent me a Valentine's Day card, thank you so much. (This may surprise you, but I made up the story about getting all those cards...even so, a guy can dream eh?)
On Sunday afternoon after spending a few hours mucking about in the garden, I decided it was time to get indoors and check out the Internet. I tried to log on and my Internet Service Provider was having none of it. It appeared that I suddenly didn't exist. Invalid password, invalid name, invalid bloody everything. Over and over I tried. Hour upon hour passed. Why didn't I just switch the thing off, and, heaven forbid, read a book?
Then an awful realisation came flowing into my head. For lack of a better way to describe it, I knew I must have my internet 'fix'. I was starting to get 'withdrawal symptoms'. I couldn't 'surf the web'. Heck the closest thing I was getting to surfing, was the 'waves' of panic that immersed me. What was I going to do?
Right then, I thought, one last try and if it doesn't work, I will phone my ISP's technical department. So with the cursor aimed on the 'sign on' bit, I gave it a nervous click. My anxiety was so enhanced that I looked away from the screen. Through parted fingers, I checked the situation on my monitor. Yahoo! (to clarify, 'yahoo' means: 'yippee' I'm online' and is not a reference to a particular ISP). I was on the 'WWW'. Thrilled with relief, I put all my account details back away. Two minutes later it crashed! If I hear the voice of 'Purdey' from the 'New Avengers' say "goodbye" one more time..I think I will resort to watching television...now that would be Absolutely Fabulous.
After about two more hours of pratting about, my connection seems to have stabilised. However being the type not to tempt fate, I shall hastily bring this boring blog to a conclusion. To have switched on my computer and hear 'Purdey' say "Welcome to ***" ( I'll let you figure out what company it is..although the last letter of their name is 'L' and that rhymes with 'Hell') was almost music to my ears. Well it's a heck of a lot better than when I'm told "goodbye" and I haven't even signed off.
Moan over, bloody computers!